As I described in Healthy Dating Tips: Good Timing, a mindset that helps a woman eat wisely can also help her date wisely. She figures out her goals, she gathers good information, and then she smartly decides when to be cautious, and when to take risks.
What better time to know when to be cautious, and when to take risks, than when a single woman is making sexual decisions?
After coming out of an unhappy long-term relationship, Darlene decided to lose some weight and the not-so-great boyfriend. After joining a weight loss program, she got back into the dating game. When things started getting more serious with one man, Eddy, she wondered:
“Do I feel comfortable enough with this man -- and my body -- to have sex?”
Ultimately, she did get into a sexual relationship with Eddy, but only after they went through some rough spots together! That’s because Darlene wasn’t only starting a new relationship with Eddy; she was starting a new relationship with herself and her own body.
So, it took Darlene a while to figure out what she wanted and needed in order to feel that sex wasn’t such a risky proposition. And what she figured out the hard way is good information for other women:
Don’t have sex with him unless you can talk about sex with him.
At the bare minimum, this means being able to have a practical discussion about birth control, safe sex, STD history, and monogamy, if that’s what you’re wanting. Later in a relationship, hopefully it also means being able to talk openly and respectfully to each other about what feels good sexually -- and sometimes, what doesn’t.
Don’t have sex with him if he puts more pressure on you to lose weight than you already put on yourself.
When you start dating a man, there are many ways he can put that pressure on you. He might give you few or no compliments about how you look. He might keep reminding you of his attraction to very thin women. He might even make negative comments about the food you’re eating. If so, run -- don’t walk -- in the opposite direction!
At the same time, if you’re in the middle of a weight loss program, it’s important to remember that a man who’s genuinely attracted to you can find himself walking a fine line. That is, he wants to be supportive of your healthy eating habits, but he doesn’t want you to mistakenly think he’s pushing you to lose weight. So, you’ll need to notice and trust when he clearly communicates his desire for you.
And last, but not least…
Don’t have sex with him if you plan on hiding.
Sex should be a place where you feel safe, desirable, and free to enjoy yourself. That’s what Darlene discovered. But first, she and Eddy needed to have the “practical discussion” about birth control and safe sex. He also needed to let her know, in no uncertain terms, how attracted he was to her, and she needed to notice and trust that.
Then it was up to Darlene to accept where she was in her weight loss goals so that she could enjoy her body during sex, and give Eddy the distinct pleasure of enjoying it, too!
Darlene was nervous about "revealing" herself at first, but once she had taken the risk, it was one of the best decisions she ever made.
Annie Dennison, Smart at Love